Sunday, 27 October 2013

Falling out of love

It seems really obvious now.  

And looking back I can see it’s been coming over the last few months. But it’s taken me a long time to recognise it –  I just didn’t see it coming.  Despite what I thought I felt, I realise now that this summer I fell out of love with my bike.  

Things had started so well.  

We were virtually inseparable over the winter months. We spent hour upon hour together, just the two of us.  And as spring breathed new life into the world outside, we spent our time planning and preparing for the summer ahead.  

We became stronger together.  We learned to work perfectly in partnership; we made the most of each other’s strengths and compensated for each others' weaknesses.  

We did things together that we’d never done before.  We visited foreign shores and tackled hours of riding and racing together.  Sometimes we’d invite others along but for the most time, we just enjoyed being with one another.  Together, alone.

We showered each other in gifts; jewellery, clothes and such like.  We were happy.  We were in love. 
But then things started to change. 

Our Alpine adventure had been intense – we hardly left each others' sides.  And when we returned home we suddenly didn’t seem so interested in seeing one another.  Days slipped by with little time spent together and somehow we didn’t miss each other as much as we should have done.  

We planned a couple more trips away in an attempt to reignite things. 

We took an August outing to the seaside to race at Brighton Big Dog.  We were having a great time until I did – or maybe I said – something wrong.  And we fell out.  He refused to carry on and I wasn’t able to do anything to redeem the situation.  We went home early, miserable, aware that we’d lost something that we couldn’t quite put our finger on.  

After our seaside disagreement we thought we should try again.  We wanted to spend hours where it was just the two of us.  We wanted to sort things out.  So we planned a bank holiday trip away to the Torq 12 hour solo where we’d had such fun a couple of years before.  

I was nervous as to how things would go – we hadn’t spent any time together since our falling out a fortnight before, but we were going to have to tackle this head on if we wanted things to change. 

Sadly, despite all our best intentions, we just didn’t click.  There were brief moments when things were great, but these just served as a reminder of what we had lost.  Reluctantly I admitted that my heart and legs weren’t in it.  Forcing the issue wasn’t going to resolve things.  The love-affair was over.  

I’m told that from the outside we looked like a good couple that day but as I climbed onto the podium I knew that we hadn’t been what we should have been.  We were awarded first place in the 2013 Endurance Series too but this just highlighted the strength we had once had had been lost.  As much as we didn’t want to admit it, despite all our efforts to rekindle the spark, we realised we’d fallen out of love.  

We decided after that we were going to stop forcing the issue and we should have some time apart instead.  See other people; do other things.  And to be grateful and happy for the good times we had together this year.  Because they’ve been great.  We just need a break. 

They say what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger and so I’m looking forward to be stronger together next year. 

1 comment:

  1. Hi Rachel! My husband sent me a link to your post with a question "sounds familiar?". And I must say it sounds well too familiar!
    I was in the same place last year - big love cut short because something just stopped feeling right. Something just didn't click any longer. It looked alright from the outside but the sparkle was gone. I dragged it for a long time (too long) until eventually decided to give up racing altogether and ride only when it's sunny ;) Well, that didn't last long and I soon got back with a love bigger than ever, more mature, more conscious. It turned out that the break we took from each other did us good and helped to understand what we loved in each other in the first place. What felt bad turned out to be pretty good.
    I hope you'll get your passion back again (you rode great this year) and for the time being enjoy being on the break - make the most of it! ;)